Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday February 9, 2007

AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in...
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.

AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa...
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.

Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.

OUTCONERR Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes Did logzerneg...
OUTCONERR Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes Did logzerneg the ifthen block All kludgy were the function flows And subroutines adhoc. Beware the runtime-bug my friend squrooneg, the false goto Beware the infiniteloop...

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence (1) Never use...
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence (1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs. (2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit the ground. (3) If you're on fire,...

The Three Major Kind of Tools * Tools for hitting things...
The Three Major Kind of Tools * Tools for hitting things to make them loose or to tighten them up or jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces, bludgeons,...

William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split...
William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out...

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house...
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house...
The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with...

Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then...
Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure. -- Eric Allman ... We make rope. -- Rob Gingell on Sun Microsystem's new virtual memory.

"We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's...
"We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem." -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't...
We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise. -- Larry Wall

... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped...
... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White