Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday February 1, 2007

There are three things I always forget. Names, faces --...
There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, The spirits are about to speak...
Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, The spirits are about to speak...

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs...
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926

There was a young lady of Gaza Who shaved her cunt bare with...
There was a young lady of Gaza Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor. The crabs, in a lump, Made tracks to her rump - This passing parade did amaze her.

COBOL is for morons. -- E.W. Dijkstra
COBOL is for morons. -- E.W. Dijkstra

Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying...
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

After 35 years, I have finished a comprehensive study...
After 35 years, I have finished a comprehensive study of European comparative law. In Germany, under the law, everything is prohibited, except that which is permitted. In France, under the law, everything is permitted, except that which is prohibited...

There are no threads in a.b.p.erotica, so there's no gain...
There are no threads in a.b.p.erotica, so there's no gain in using a threaded news reader. (Unknown source)

Benny Hill: Would you like a peanut? Girl: No,...
Benny Hill: Would you like a peanut? Girl: No, thank you, I don't want to be under obligation. Benny Hill: You won't be under obligation for a peanut. It's not as if it were a chocolate bar or something.

Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.
Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.

Birds and bees have as much to do with the facts of life...
Birds and bees have as much to do with the facts of life as black nightgowns do with keeping warm. -- Hester Mundis, "Powermom"

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men...
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kin Hubbard

Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will...
Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will demand both. -- Samuel Butler

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become...
By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

There are two kinds of people: people who USED Linux and like...
There are two kinds of people: people who USED Linux and like it and people who never used Linux and don't like it.