Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday February 11, 2008

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs...
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926

Reach into the thoughts of friends, And find they do not know...
Reach into the thoughts of friends, And find they do not know your name. Squeeze the teddy bear too tight, And watch the feathers burst the seams. Touch the stained glass with your cheek, And feel its chill upon your blood. Hold a candle to...

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

Whitehead's Law: The obvious answer is always...
Whitehead's Law: The obvious answer is always overlooked.

Wilcox's Law: A pat on the back is only a...
Wilcox's Law: A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have...
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. -- Ernest Hemingway

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character...
A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever. -- J. Hawes

You go down to the pickup station, craving warmth...
You go down to the pickup station, craving warmth and beauty; You settle for less than fascination -- a few drinks later you're not so choosy. And the closing lights strip off the shadows on this strange new flesh you've found...

You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues, And...
You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues, And you know it don't come easy ... I don't ask for much, I only want trust, And you know it don't come easy ...

You know my heart keeps tellin' me, You're not a kid...
You know my heart keeps tellin' me, You're not a kid at thirty-three, You play around you lose your wife, You play too long, you lose your life. Some gotta win, some gotta lose, Goodtime Charlie's got the blues.

You may be right, I may be crazy, But it just may be a lunatic...
You may be right, I may be crazy, But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for! -- Billy Joel

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and...
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. -- William Allen White