Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday October 6, 2012

A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence...
A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence misspent. So she climbed up the dome Of St. Peter's in Rome, Where she stayed through the following Lent. -- Edward Gorey

A lady who signs herself "Vexed" Writes to say...
A lady who signs herself "Vexed" Writes to say she believes she's been hexed: "I don't mind my shins Being stuck full of pins, But I fear I am coming unsexed." -- Edward Gorey

A lady, while dining in Crewe, Found an elephant's whang in...
A lady, while dining in Crewe, Found an elephant's whang in her stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout Or wave it about Or the others will ask for one, too."

A lass at the foot of her class Asked a brainier chick how...
A lass at the foot of her class Asked a brainier chick how to pass. She replied, "With no fuss You can get a B-plus, By letting the prof pat your ass."

A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots...
A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. But instead of a fine He would stand them in line, With his common-law tool to impale 'em.

A lonely young lad of Eton Used always to sleep with the heat...
A lonely young lad of Eton Used always to sleep with the heat on, Till he ran into a lass Who showed him her ass -- Now they sleep with only a sheet on.