Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday January 24, 2021

Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a...
Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

A novice was trying to fix a broken lisp machine by turning...
A novice was trying to fix a broken lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing spoke sternly, "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong." ...

Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your...
Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something...

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing...
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Churchill

We are unavoidably drawn towards conservatism and death...
We are unavoidably drawn towards conservatism and death. The order is not insignificant. -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]

A limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite...
A limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen So seldom are clean, And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room...
A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom.

A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of...
A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of a frog. Now she and her prince Are the parents of quints, Four boys and one fine polliwog.

A responsive young girl from the East In bed was an able...
A responsive young girl from the East In bed was an able artiste. She had learned two positions From family physicians, And ten more from the old parish priest.

A sweetheart named Teresa Arden Went down on her beau in...
A sweetheart named Teresa Arden Went down on her beau in the garden. He said, "Good lord, Tess, Don't swallow that mess " And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. And I'm darned if I know how the helican.

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is...
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know. Women are fine And sheep are divine But llamas are numero uno."

While travelling in farthest Tibet, Lord Irongate found cause...
While travelling in farthest Tibet, Lord Irongate found cause to regret The buttered-up tea, A pain in his knee, And the frivolous tourists he met. -- Edward Gorey