Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday August 21, 2021

A huge-organed female in Dallas, Named Alice, who yearned for...
A huge-organed female in Dallas, Named Alice, who yearned for a phallus, Was virgo intacto, Because, ipso facto, No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

A lady born under a curse Used to drive forth each day in...
A lady born under a curse Used to drive forth each day in a hearse; From the back she would wail Through a thickness of veil: "Things do not get better, but worse." -- Edward Gorey

There once was a chick named Longet, Who went out to Aspen...
There once was a chick named Longet, Who went out to Aspen to play. Along came a Spyder, Who sat down beside her And she blew the poor bastard away.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young lady named Bright Who could travel much...
There was a young lady named Bright Who could travel much faster than light. She took off one day, In a relative way, And returned on the previous night.