Freebsd Fortunes

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

Wit, n.:
        The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
... by leaving it out.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
                -- Otto von Bismark

With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
                -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and
still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
such thing as progress.
                -- Ransom K. Ferm

Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.

Wombat's Laws of Computer Selection:
        (1) If it doesn't run Unix, forget it.
        (2) Any computer design over 10 years old is obsolete.
        (3) Anything made by IBM is junk. (See number 2)
        (4) The minimum acceptable CPU power for a single user is a
            VAX/780 with a floating point accelerator.
        (5) Any computer with a mouse is worthless.
                -- Rich Kulawiec

Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource.  If
you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place.  And if you cut
down the new tree, still another will grow.  And if you cut down that
tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with
long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit
there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you
come back.

Wood heat is not new.  It dates back to a day millions of years ago,
when a group of cavemen were sitting around, watching dinosaurs rot.
Suddenly, lightning struck a nearby log and set it on fire.  One of the
cavemen stared at the fire for a few minutes, then said: "Hey!  Wood
heat!"  The other cavemen, who did not understand English, immediately
beat him to death with stones.  But the key discovery had been made,
and from that day forward, the cavemen had all the heat they needed,
although their insurance rates went way up.
                -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"

Work Rule: Leave of Absence (for an Operation):
        We are no longer allowing this practice.  We wish to discourage
any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you
should not consider having anything removed.  We hired you as you are,
and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we
bargained for.