Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday January 15, 2007

God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's

If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades...
"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and thermonuclear devices.

If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will...
If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention: Unless...
Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention: Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in...
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless...

7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury...
7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury or Mars 255 pounds on Earth 232 pounds on Venus or Uranus 43 pounds on the Moon 648 pounds on Jupiter 275 pounds on Saturn ...

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive...
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot...

A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist...
A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist. He explained that he was entering a horse in a race the following week and the three assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win. They were to reconvene the...