Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday January 2, 2007

He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a...
He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.

The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts...
The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts for recurrence. He can smile in the face of the most terrible thought: meaningless, aimless existance recurring eternally. The second characteristic of such a man is that he has the strength...

There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew...
There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker. He yelled, "My God! what Do you call this -- a twat? Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"

At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in...
At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester -- and never attending.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your...
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn...
The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.

The more specific the title of a course, the less you will...
The more specific the title of a course, the less you will be able to apply it later.

The most valuable quotation will be the one for which...
The most valuable quotation will be the one for which you cannot determine the source.

The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered...
The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.

I hate babies. They're so human. -- H.H. Munro
I hate babies. They're so human. -- H.H. Munro

Have a nice day!
Have a nice day!

Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.

It's faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More...
It's faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money. -- Tom T. Hall, "The Secret of Life"

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"