Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday December 11, 2006

Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, D.C.
Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, D.C.

In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters...
In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current. -- Thomas Jefferson

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe...
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your...
We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal.

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and...
Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive! -- Joan McGalliard (jem@latcs1.oz.au)

Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ... Q: How about...
Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ... Q: How about an example? A: Ok. Let's say you want to report that Gretzky has been traded from the Oilers to the Kings. Now right away you might think rec.sport.hockey would be enough. WRONG. Many...

Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell...
Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do? A: Don't worry about how your articles look. Remember it's the message that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum...

Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars...
Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars. What should I do? A: Post the correct answer at once! We can't have people go on believing that! Very good of you to spot this. You'll probably be the only one to make the correction,...

Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked...
Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked as the Republican V.P. candidate. Should I post? A: Of course. The net can reach people in as few as 3 to 5 days. It's the perfect way to inform people about such news events long after...

What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle...
What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle watch. -- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker

Ladybug, ladybug, Look to your stern! Your house is...
Ladybug, ladybug, Look to your stern! Your house is on fire, Your children will burn! So jump ye and sing, for The very first time The four lines above Have been put into rhyme. -- Walt Kelly