Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday December 5, 2006

Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot,...
Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was cordial, Is now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe. -- My Shoe

I went home with a waitress, The way I always do. How I was...
I went home with a waitress, The way I always do. How I was I to know? She was with the Russians too. I was gambling in Havana, I took a little risk. Send lawyers, guns, and money, Dad, get me out of this. -- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers,...

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

To be great is to be misunderstood. -- Ralph...
To be great is to be misunderstood. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand...
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. -- Stephens

You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
You buttered your bread, now lie in it!

The light at the end of the tunnel really is a train.
The light at the end of the tunnel really is a train.

When it comes to broken marriages most husbands will split...
When it comes to broken marriages most husbands will split the blame -- half his wife's fault, and half her mother's.

Life is not for everyone.
Life is not for everyone.

Where there are visible vapors, having their prevenance...
Where there are visible vapors, having their prevenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"

You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?