Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday January 25, 2008

F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!

Delay is preferable to error. -- Thomas...
Delay is preferable to error. -- Thomas Jefferson

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold...
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong...
It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives...

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion...
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe

Love to eat them mousies, Mousies I love to eat. Bite they...
Love to eat them mousies, Mousies I love to eat. Bite they little heads off, Nibble at they tiny feet. -- Kliban

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he...
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde

Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming...
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.

Money doesn't talk, it swears. -- Bob Dylan
Money doesn't talk, it swears. -- Bob Dylan

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as...
A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as a farta'. He could fart anything From "Of Thee I Sing," To Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata."

A girl camper once had an affair With a fellow all covered with...
A girl camper once had an affair With a fellow all covered with hair. When she gave him his hat She realized that She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

Hoffer's Discovery: The grand act of a dying...
Hoffer's Discovery: The grand act of a dying institution is to issue a newly revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than...
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.

Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real...
Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #18: Q: Are...
Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #18: Q: Are you married? A: No, I'm divorced. Q: And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A: A lot of things I didn't know about.

Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G.K...
Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G.K. Chesterton

Everything in this book may be wrong. --...
Everything in this book may be wrong. -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul