Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday January 31, 2008

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The goddam thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

A do-it-yourselfer named Alice, Used a dynamite stick for...
A do-it-yourselfer named Alice, Used a dynamite stick for a phallus. She blew her vagina To South Carolina, And her tits landed somewhere in Dallas. A cute friend of hers, Fanny Hill, Used two dynamite sticks for a dil. They...

A farmer I know named O'Doole Had a long and incredible tool...
A farmer I know named O'Doole Had a long and incredible tool. He can use it to plow, Or to diddle a cow, Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

There was a young lady named Cager Who, as the result of...
There was a young lady named Cager Who, as the result of a wager, Consented to fart The entire oboe part Of Mozart's quartet in F major.

If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back,...
If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, then call them up when you're drunk.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf...
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband. -- Michel de Montaigne

Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their...
Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.

What's love but a second-hand emotion? -- Tina...
What's love but a second-hand emotion? -- Tina Turner

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace...
The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean,...