Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday January 11, 2017

WARNING: Reading this fortune can affect...
WARNING: Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.

Warning: Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.
Warning: Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.

You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.