Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday January 9, 2017

"Nuclear war would really set back cable." ...
"Nuclear war would really set back cable." -- Ted Turner

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning...
Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Has your family tried 'em? ...
Has your family tried 'em? POWDERMILK BISCUITS Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious! They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to...

There was a young fellow named Bliss Whose sex life...
There was a young fellow named Bliss Whose sex life was strangely amiss, For even with Venus His recalcitrant penis Would never do better than t h i s ...

There was a young man of Greenwich Whose balls were all covered...
There was a young man of Greenwich Whose balls were all covered with spinach. So long was his tool That it wound round a spool, And he let it out inach by inach.