Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday September 29, 2017

A cautious young fellow named Lodge, Had seatbelts installed...
A cautious young fellow named Lodge, Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. With his date all strapped in He committed a sin Without even leaving the garage. -- "A Boy and His Dog"

A mortician who practised in Fife Made love to the corpse...
A mortician who practised in Fife Made love to the corpse of his wife. "How could I know, Judge? She was cold, did not budge-- Just the same as she'd acted in life."

A vengeful technician named Schmitz Caused a disk drive to...
A vengeful technician named Schmitz Caused a disk drive to go on the fritz. He covered the platter With bats' fecal matter. Now it's seek time is really the pits.

There once was a floozie named Annie Whose prices were...
There once was a floozie named Annie Whose prices were cosy--but cannie: A buck for a fuck, Fifty cents for a suck, And a dime for a feel of her fanny.