Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday October 25, 2006

Lays eggs inside a paper bag; The reason, you will see,...
Lays eggs inside a paper bag; The reason, you will see, no doubt, Is to keep the lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice is that herds Of bears may come with buns And steal the bags to hold the crumbs.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs...
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

A worn-out young husband named Lehr Her daily his wife's...
A worn-out young husband named Lehr Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer: "Slip on a sheath, quick, Then slip your big dick Between these lips covered with hair."

You Women's Lib gals won't agree, But dependent on men you must...
You Women's Lib gals won't agree, But dependent on men you must be: You'll need a him With a rod firm and trim, To puggle your water-drains free!

Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.
Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.

What's love but a second-hand emotion? -- Tina...
What's love but a second-hand emotion? -- Tina Turner

If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
If you fail to plan, plan to fail.