|Freebsd Fortunes: 1911 of 3566
Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
end. For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
qualities I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and
bossy ... Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1912 of 3566
Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
Mental Anguish. You would sue:
* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand
into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls
* The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious
cretin like yourself.
* Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this
case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you
a large cash settlement anyway.
-- Dave Barry
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1913 of 3566
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often
overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of
dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your
tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to
spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe
money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will
probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care?
It's not his money.
-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1914 of 3566
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)
I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office. We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places. They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1915 of 3566
Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1916 of 3566
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1917 of 3566
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1918 of 3566
LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22)
Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your
desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal. Be gracious and
polite. Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1919 of 3566
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most
Libra women are prostitutes. All Libra people die of venereal
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1920 of 3566
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.