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The fact that it works is immaterial.
-- L. Ogborn
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The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
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The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
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The First Commandment for Technicians:
Beware the lightening that lurketh in the undischarged
capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most
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The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman
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The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a
tragic death. He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad
forks. Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously
fled the city, complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of
threatening notes left on his breakfast tray. At the time, this looked
suspicious what with his father's death, and Carotene was suspected of
foul play. Then the rest of the King's relatives began to drop dead
one after the other in an odd fashion. Some were found strangled with
dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning. A few were found
drowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants unknown
and beaten to death with a pot roast. At least three appear to have
thrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture
of grief over the King's untimely end. Finally there was no one left
in Minas Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed
crown, and the rule of Twodor was up for grabs. The scullery slave
Parrafin bravely accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when
a lineal descendant of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful
throne, conquer Twodor's enemies, and revamp the postal system.
-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
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The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller
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The first riddle I ever heard, one familiar to almost every Jewish
child, was propounded to me by my father:
"What is it that hangs on the wall, is green, wet -- and
I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity
"A herring," said my father.
"A herring," I echoed. "A herring doesn't hang on the wall!"
"So hang it there."
"But a herring isn't green!" I protested.
"But a herring isn't wet."
"If it's just painted it's still wet."
"But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, "-- a herring
"Right, " smiled my father. "I just put that in to make it
-- Leo Rosten, "The Joys of Yiddish"
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"The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do."
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
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The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson