Freebsd Fortunes

We have met the enemy, and he is us.
                -- Walt Kelly

We have only two things to worry about:  That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation."
                -- Lily Tomlin

We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an
official name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death
Flu".  You may have had it yourself.  The main symptom is that you wish
you had another setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that
said "ELECTROCUTION".

Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a) your
teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength.  Midway through the brushing
process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a
couple of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways
out of your mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste
stalagmites that would bond your head permanently to the bathroom
floor, which is how the police would find you.

You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.
                -- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"

We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
purely intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start
with?  Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the
playing of chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it is
best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can
buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
                -- Alan M. Turing

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.

We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
no matter how self-seeking.
                -- F. G. Withington

We ought to be very grateful that we have tools.  Millions of years ago
people did not have them, and home projects were extremely difficult.
For example, when a primitive person wanted to put up paneling, he had
to drive the little paneling nails into the cave wall with his bare
fist, so generally the paneling wound up getting spattered with
primitive blood, which isn't really all that bad when you consider how
ugly paneling is to begin with.
                -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

We really don't have any enemies.  It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.

We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.