Freebsd Fortunes

Why I Can't Go Out With You:

I'd LOVE to, but ...
        -- I have to floss my cat.
        -- I've dedicated my life to linguini.
        -- I need to spend more time with my blender.
        -- it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
        -- it's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish.
        -- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves.
        -- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
        -- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
        -- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
        -- I have some really hard words to look up.
        -- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
        -- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
because we are not the person involved"
                -- Mark Twain

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?

"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
                -- Lily Tomlin

"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
you knowing nothing?"
                -- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your
children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You:    "A spinning top!  You spin it around, and then eventually it
        falls down.  What fun!  Ha, ha!"

Son:    "Is this a joke?  Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer
        with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory,
        and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad?  Look at this."

You:    "It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
                -- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
                -- Oscar Wilde

Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
        No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
                -- John L.  Shelton

Wiker's Law:
        Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Williams and Holland's Law:
        If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.