Freebsd Fortunes

When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you
take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
and get you."
                -- Jerry Lewis

"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
                -- Steven Wright

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
                -- Woody Allen

When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A
group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
six-year-old.  "It is always so," my mother said.  "You do things
together which not one of you would think of doing alone."  ...
Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  The military
establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
                -- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
                -- Mark Twain

When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.

"When in doubt, tell the truth."
                -- Mark Twain

When in doubt, use brute force.
                -- Ken Thompson

When in panic, fear and doubt,
Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.

When love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
Hi, Mom!
                -- Laurie Anderson