Freebsd Fortunes

Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your
children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You:    "A spinning top!  You spin it around, and then eventually it
        falls down.  What fun!  Ha, ha!"

Son:    "Is this a joke?  Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer
        with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory,
        and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad?  Look at this."

You:    "It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
                -- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
                -- Oscar Wilde

Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
        No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
                -- John L.  Shelton

Wiker's Law:
        Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Williams and Holland's Law:
        If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

Wit, n.:
        The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
... by leaving it out.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
                -- Otto von Bismark

With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
                -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?