Freebsd Fortunes

"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?

He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
                -- Steven Wright

"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
included."
                -- Steven Wright

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums."
                -- Steven Wright

I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!

"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."
                -- Gallagher

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me."
                -- Hunter S. Thompson

IBM had a PL/I,
        Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
        It was a total loss.

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

"I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it."

"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."