Freebsd Fortunes

If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
you to say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw
another party next year.

What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up
several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've
been indicted for anything.  You want your guests to be so anxious to
avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning
parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from
having another one ...

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door, unless
your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure
that they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting
someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you ...

If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
                -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"

"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
                -- A. L.

If you want divine justice, die.
                -- Nick Seldon

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
he gave it to.
                -- Dorothy Parker

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft.  Instead, read selected portions of the Washington
telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with
titles beginning with the word "National".
                -- George Will

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

"If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it,
even if they don't know what it means."
                -- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"

If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late.
                -- Henny Youngman