Freebsd Fortunes

Half-done:
        This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still
crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference
between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like
the difference between life and death.
        You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill
there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the
airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough
Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
man, "Let me have a nice half-done."
        Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
                -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Hall's Laws of Politics:
        (1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
        (2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something
            fixed.
        (3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend
            military spending, and conservatives social spending in
            their own districts).

Hand, n.:
        A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Hanlon's Razor:
        Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
stupidity.

Hanson's Treatment of Time:
        There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
                -- Ogden Nash

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
                -- Oscar Levant

Happiness, n.:
        An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?

Hardware, n.:
        The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.