Freebsd Fortunes

Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her
husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer!  My joules!  Someone has stolen my
joules!"

"Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux
a moment.  Perhaps they're mislead."

"No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence.  "I remember putting them
in my burette ... We must call a copper."

Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms,
said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name
of Lawrence Ium.

"We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and
dangerous.  His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium.  Maybe I can
catch him there."  With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an
activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ...
                -- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"

flowchart, n. & v.:
        [From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template.  2. n. Neronic
doodling while the system burns.  3. n. A low-cost substitute for
wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate misleading the illiterate.  "A
thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code." -- The Programmer's
Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.  5. v.intrans. To produce
flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
                -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

Flugg's Law:
        When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.

Flying saucers on occasion
        Show themselves to human eyes.
Aliens fume, put off invasion
        While they brand these tales as lies.

Fog Lamps, n.:
        Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the
fronts of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
driver's brain is in a fog.

See also "Idiot Lights".

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
                -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"

For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...

For a good time, call (510) 642-9483

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.

"For an adequate time call 555-3321"