Freebsd Fortunes

Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?  Besides drugs,
I mean.  The answer is hot tubs.  A hot tub is a redwood container
filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite
sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse.  After a few hours in
their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or
mass murderers.  They don't give a damn about anything , which is why
they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week.
                -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

"Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?

Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
                -- Dr. Who

Have you reconsidered a computer career?

HE:  Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
SHE: What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
                -- Walt Kelley

"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable
perversion."
                -- Mick Farren, "When Gravity Fails"

"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions"

He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
perfectly delightful.
                -- Sydney Smith

He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and
heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope
of ever behaving "normally."
                -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"