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"I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like."
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I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
-- George Bernard Shaw
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"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
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"I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no
restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
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I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
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"I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral
-- William F. Buckley
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I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that
the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile
so we can be free to concern ourselves with getting hold of the
But from time to time, I feel I must address major public issues such
as this, because in a free and open society, where the very future of
the world hinges on decisions made by our elected leaders, you never
win large cash journalism awards if you stick to the topics I usually
write about, such as nose-picking.
-- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
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I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
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"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
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I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
-- Will Rogers