Freebsd Fortunes

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body.  Then I realized who was telling me this."
                -- Emo Phillips

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
                -- Steven Wright

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to
animals.  I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for
anything connected with society except that which makes the roads
safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women
warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
                -- Brendan Behan

"I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR "HEE
HAW"!!'"
                -- Berke Breathed, "Bloom County"

I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know
anything else ... I was not a Child Prodigy, because a Child Prodigy is
a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows
up.
                -- Will Rogers

"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
get off my driveway."
                -- Steven Wright

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
didn't know."
                -- Mark Twain

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
                -- Emile Henry Gauvreay

"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died."
                -- Steven Wright