Freebsd Fortunes

"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died."
                -- Steven Wright

"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
specific".
                -- Steven Wright

I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained
it to expose its weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass
stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold.
I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be
absent -- not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had
developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case.
Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's
temperature to be less than absolute zero.  I had found an error.  I
chased down the error and fixed it.  Now I had improved the program to
the point where it would not run at all.
                -- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black
                   Holes and the Fate of Stars"

"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?

He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
                -- Steven Wright

"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
included."
                -- Steven Wright

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums."
                -- Steven Wright

I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!

"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."
                -- Gallagher

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me."
                -- Hunter S. Thompson

IBM had a PL/I,
        Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
        It was a total loss.