Freebsd Fortunes

Leibowitz's Rule:
        When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
        You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
        pushy.  Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike
        honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people
        are thieves.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
        Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore.
        Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because
        you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe.  As a matter of
        fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got
        a sick sense of humor.

Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.

"Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
number.  You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash
and another number."
                -- James Estes

Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!

You first.

Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
end.  For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
qualities I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and
bossy ...  Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
his back."
                -- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
Mental Anguish.  You would sue:

* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
  section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand
  into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls
  in there".

* The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious
  cretin like yourself.

* Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this
  case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you
  a large cash settlement anyway.
                -- Dave Barry

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return.  Here's an often
overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of
dollars:  For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your
tax return around under your armpit.  No IRS agent is going to want to
spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document.  So even if you owe
money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will
probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit.  What does he care?
It's not his money.
                -- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)

Dear Sir,

I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office.  We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places.  They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
agricultural industry.

Yours faithfully,
        Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P.
        Sevenoaks