Freebsd Fortunes

Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
        They usually have virgins,
        And masculine urgin's,
And other erotic effects.

Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
Kennedy exactly one hundred years later in 1946.

Lincoln was elected president in November 1860.
Kennedy in November 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy who urged him not to go to
the theatre.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln who advised against his going
to Dallas.

Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and ran off into a warehouse.
Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and ran off into a theatre.

Lincoln was succeeded by a Southerner named Johnson.
Kennedy was succeeded by a Southerner named Johnson.

The first Johnson was born in 1808.
The second Johnson was born in 1908.

                -- Alistair Cooke, "Letter From America", 26nov2001

Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

Linus:  I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.  Maybe
        we should think only about today.
Charlie Brown:
        No, that's giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday will get
        better.

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
                -- Candice Bergen

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
around the Sun.

Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted
before.

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And plunged it deep into the VAX;
Don't you envy people who
Do all the things YOU want to do?

Loan-department manager:  "There isn't any fine print.  At these
interest rates, we don't need it."

Lobster:
        Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the
only proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to
eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial
before they're cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most
ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime
in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its
unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of
the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout,
"Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a
memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe
at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.
Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be,
too.
                -- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
                   into Excuses and Apologies"