Freebsd Fortunes

Machine-Independent, adj.:
        Does not run on any existing machine.

Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
                -- Leo Rosten

Mad, adj.:
        Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
                -- W. C. Fields

MAFIA, n:
        [Acronym for Mechanized Applications in Forced Insurance
Accounting.] An extensive network with many on-line and offshore
subsystems running under OS, DOS, and IOS.  MAFIA documentation is
rather scanty, and the MAFIA sales office exhibits that testy
reluctance to bona fide inquiries which is the hallmark of so many DP
operations.  From the little that has seeped out, it would appear that
MAFIA operates under a non-standard protocol, OMERTA, a tight-lipped
variant of SNA, in which extended handshakes also perform complex
security functions.  The known timesharing aspects of MAFIA point to a
more than usually autocratic operating system.  Screen prompts carry an
imperative, nonrefusable weighting (most menus offer simple YES/YES
options, defaulting to YES) that precludes indifference or delay.
Uniquely, all editing under MAFIA is performed centrally, using a
powerful rubout feature capable of erasing files, filors, filees, and
entire nodal aggravations.
                -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism

Magnetism, n.: Something acting upon a magnet.

The two definition immediately foregoing are condensed from the works
of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject
with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human
knowledge.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Magnocartic, adj.:
        Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
carts.
                -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"

Magpie, n.:
        A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Maier's Law:
        If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed
        of.

Corollaries:
        (1) The bigger the theory, the better.
        (2) The experiment may be considered a success if no more than
            50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to
            obtain a correspondence with the theory.

Main's Law:
        For every action there is an equal and opposite government
program.