Freebsd Fortunes

Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have
orgasms?  The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which
is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
                -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
                   Teen Should Know"

Prof:    So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
         encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!

Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem.
Eng.  130 midterm.  Once again no student received a single point on
his exam.  Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter.  Newell's
earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is winning.

                -- Rich Cook

Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.

This technique is used on equations with "n" in them.  Induction
techniques are very popular, even the military used them.

SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.

        We know it's true for n equal to 1.  Now assume that it's true
for every natural number less than n.  N is arbitrary, so we can take n
as large as we want.  If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n.  We
can take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just
about n.
        QED.    (QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")

Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
        SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
(1) Horses have an even number of legs.
(2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
(3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of
    legs for a horse.
(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
(5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.

Topics to be covered in future issues include proof by:
        Intimidation
        Gesticulation (handwaving)
        "Try it; it works"
        Constipation (I was just sitting there and ...)
        Blatant assertion
        Changing all the 2's to n's
        Mutual consent
        Lack of a counterexample, and
        "It stands to reason"

Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:

BBW     Branch Both Ways
BEW     Branch Either Way
BBBF    Branch on Bit Bucket Full
BH      Branch and Hang
BMR     Branch Multiple Registers
BOB     Branch On Bug
BPO     Branch on Power Off
BST     Backspace and Stretch Tape
CDS     Condense and Destroy System
CLBR    Clobber Register
CLBRI   Clobber Register Immediately
CM      Circulate Memory
CMFRM   Come From -- essential for truly structured programming
CPPR    Crumple Printer Paper and Rip
CRN     Convert to Roman Numerals

Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:

DC      Divide and Conquer
DMPK    Destroy Memory Protect Key
DO      Divide and Overflow
EMPC    Emulate Pocket Calculator
EPI     Execute Programmer Immediately
EROS    Erase Read Only Storage
EXCE    Execute Customer Engineer
HCF     Halt and Catch Fire
IBP     Insert Bug and Proceed
INSQSW  Insert into queue somewhere (for FINO queues [First in never out])
PBC     Print and Break Chain
PDSK    Punch Disk

Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:

PI      Punch Invalid
POPI    Punch Operator Immediately
PVLC    Punch Variable Length Card
RASC    Read And Shred Card
RPM     Read Programmers Mind
RSSC    reduce speed, step carefully  (for improved accuracy)
RTAB    Rewind tape and break
RWDSK   rewind disk
RWOC    Read Writing On Card
SCRBL   scribble to disk  - faster than a write
SLC     Search for Lost Chord
SPSW    Scramble Program Status Word
SRSD    Seek Record and Scar Disk
STROM   Store in Read Only Memory
TDB     Transfer and Drop Bit
WBT     Water Binary Tree

"Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together."