Freebsd Fortunes

Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
to work.

Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not,
when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and
apparently incoherent songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I
neither saw nor heard as those without might see and hear.  They told a
tale which was then altogether beyond my feeble comprehension:  they
were tones, loud, long and deep, breathing the prayer and complaint of
souls boiling over with the bitterest anguish.  Every tone was a
testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God for deliverance from
chains.
                -- Frederick Douglass

Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
        (1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
            check.
        (2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
        (3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
            attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
            attracted to dark objects.

Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...

Slurm, n.:
        The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when
it sits in the dish too long.
                -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
                -- Fletcher Knebel

Snacktrek, n.:
        The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly
returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have
materialized.
                -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate
your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and
hurl it into a dumpster.  Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast
array of 8-millimeter video equipment.

... OK!  Got everything?  Well, *too bad, sucker*, because while you
were gone the electronics industry came up with an even newer format
that makes your 8-millimeter VCR look as technologically advanced as
toenail dirt.  This format is called "3.5 hectare" and it will not be
made available until it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a
format called "Elroy", so *order yours now*.
                -- Dave Barry, "No Surrender in the Electronics
                   Revolution"

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
                -- Bertrand Russell

"So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops
its head into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very
imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots."
                -- Samuel Foote