Freebsd Fortunes

"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon."
                -- Steel City News

"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."

A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying,
"Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny
bits, in thy mercy."  And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the
lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and
breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the
Holy Pin.  Then thou must count to three.  Three shall be the number of
the counting and the number of the counting shall be three.  Four shalt
thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then
proceedeth to three.  Five is right out.  Once the number three, being
the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand
Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight,
shall snuff it."
                -- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.

A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
the real reason.

A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added
concentration needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three
dimensional objects ...

A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
                -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will
keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those
that are worth committing.
                -- Samuel Butler

A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
                -- Prof. Steiner