Freebsd Fortunes

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
                -- Howard Kandel

Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man
said, "This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The
second man said, "He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his
chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded
only in falling over and bruising his forehead.  Returning to the
courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine the man whose ear was bitten.
If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself and the case is
dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man did it and
must pay three silver pieces."

Two percent of zero is almost nothing.

"Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
I forget the second."

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

U:      There's a U -- a Unicorn!
        Run right up and rub its horn.
        Look at all those points you're losing!
        UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
                -- The Roguelet's ABC

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."

(Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
                -- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)

UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.

"Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"

"It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
right?"
                -- MacNelley, "Shoe"

Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
        Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.