Freebsd Fortunes

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?

Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business
signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a
word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
ANY ITEM'S.  Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when
creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put
quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT
DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
                -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
                -- R. Geis

Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.

"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down

Death is only a state of mind.

Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.

Death to all fanatics!

Decision maker, n.:
        The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.

Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
                -- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
                   Assoc.